How your child can turn a youth sports failure upside down

Somehow, you’ve got to help your child to understand that failure is not fatal. In fact, he can invert failure into a positive by learning from it and become a better athlete.

In order for a failure to become a step-up, instead of a step-down, your child has to make a choice. In his book, Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn, John Maxwell says that every time you fail, you have to choose between taking responsibility or creating an excuse.

If we respond to failure by taking responsibility, we can look at our failure and learn from it. As a result, we won’t be prone to making the same mistake again. However, if we bail out on our responsibility by not examining our failures or learning from them, we often experience the same types of failure repeatedly over time.

What Happens When Your Child Doesn’t Accept Responsibility for Failure

When your child refuses to accept responsibility for a mistake or failure, a victim mentality can develop. In professional sports there are constant examples of the victim mind-set blaming others for problems.

Athletes blame other athletes, coaches, and officials.

Coaches blame coaches, parents, and athletes.

Parents blame coaches, other athletes, and officials.

Blaming others is an easy out because admitting to a mistake is hard. However, if your child continually refuses to accept responsibility for failure, then he can develop a victim mindset. The danger of this mindset is that it causes people to focus on what they cannot do, instead of looking at how they can positively effect a situation.

The victim mindset is a recipe for continued failure because it leaves no room to learn from mistakes. A victim doesn’t want to admit failure because he wants to put the blame on someone else. Your child will never become a better athlete if he is constantly blaming others instead of examining his own shortcomings.

What Happens When Your Child Does Accept Responsibility for Failure?

Accepting responsibility opens the door for your child to learn from failure, which is the more difficult path but also the way he will get better at what he does.

Accepting responsibility begins with you:

• Show your kids what it looks like to accept responsibility, admit mistakes, and look for answers.
• Kids learn by watching you.
• Allow your child to experience the natural consequences of his actions.

Learning to handle negative consequences is a start on the path to taking responsibility for your actions.

Explain to your child how his actions affect others. If your child realizes his actions have hurt a sibling’s feelings, disappointed you or let down his coach or teammates, he might be more likely to take responsibility for what he did wrong.

“I’ve failed over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed”

Basketball legend Michael Jordan knows the value of failure. He tried out for the high school varsity basketball team as a sophomore and didn’t make it. But that only motivated him to work harder on the junior varsity team, which resulted in several 40-point games.

In his case, failure was a stepping stone to greatness. And it can be for your child too if he learns how to invert failure.

       

Janis B. Meredith, sports mom and coach's wife, writes a sports parenting blog called jbmthinks.com. Her new booklet 11 Habits for Healthy and Positive Sports Parents is available on Amazon.